PAIN PAIN AND MORE PAIN
hiya everyone
so I want to try and explain the type of pain and how much pain I actually have which is very hard for me because I hide my pain very well and especially from other people so here goes.
this is hard because the pain goes from one kind to another in a matter of seconds
I wake up whenever due to not sleeping at night due to pain so when I eventually wake up the first thing I do is reach for my pain meds.
if I decide to get out of bed which the past month iv spent most days in bed as I am more comfortable in bed I don't lay in bed and sleep which people do think I sleep all day ( I WISH ) I lay on top of the bed with a blanket and attempt to get comfy and I continue to take meds all day the last few weeks the pain has increased a lot on a daily basis i take
30/500 co-codamol
900mg gabapentin
10mg oramorph
and sometimes diazepam
and some days all that doesn't even take the edge off the pain that's why I end up laid on the bed with my hot water bottle and not moving what are normal everyday tasks for healthy people are a huge challenge for me like
- getting out of bed
- getting dressed ( i spend most days in my pjs )
- cleaning ( Stephen does most of the cleaning )
- doing the washing
- having a shower
- having a walk to the shop
now pain at night is the worst I suffer from depression so at night I hardly sleep for days at a time and some nights I feel like I'm going crazy like really am going to go crazy I want to smash my head against the wall just so I can sleep I really do struggle and this is so hard for me to admit but people need to understand what chronic pain does to your mind most nights when I'm in pain and feeling down I cry for hours I don't wake Stephen but he can't do anything about it I just cry myself to sleep praying il feel better in the morning but I never do.
( just some of my pain meds )
standing up hurts turning over in bed hurts everything always hurts I have a tube sticking out my stomach so yes it hurts i am not lazy just because I'm not sat in tears all day doesn't mean I am not in pain chronic pain suffers learn to hide pain from everyone even the ones we love we do it so they don't get upset we don't want to hurt them but sometimes we need to show the pain so they can understand what is happening and to help us through it all.
I wish I could get up in a morning and get dressed without been in tears or having to take that much medication I don't know what's going on this has been very hard for me to tell you all but I needed to tell you all how much pain I am actually in I let people down I am constantly on strong meds and I am never going to be who I used to be and because of this I have lost so many friends.
my pain goes from a normal stomach ache to a stabbing stinging pain ripping through my body the pain can be that bad it makes me sick physically and the slightest movement or touch makes me cry I'm not sure how else I can tell you all about my pain
I hope this has helped
( suprapubic catheter )
so I want to try and explain the type of pain and how much pain I actually have which is very hard for me because I hide my pain very well and especially from other people so here goes.
I wake up whenever due to not sleeping at night due to pain so when I eventually wake up the first thing I do is reach for my pain meds.
if I decide to get out of bed which the past month iv spent most days in bed as I am more comfortable in bed I don't lay in bed and sleep which people do think I sleep all day ( I WISH ) I lay on top of the bed with a blanket and attempt to get comfy and I continue to take meds all day the last few weeks the pain has increased a lot on a daily basis i take
30/500 co-codamol
900mg gabapentin
10mg oramorph
and sometimes diazepam
and some days all that doesn't even take the edge off the pain that's why I end up laid on the bed with my hot water bottle and not moving what are normal everyday tasks for healthy people are a huge challenge for me like
- getting out of bed
- getting dressed ( i spend most days in my pjs )
- cleaning ( Stephen does most of the cleaning )
- doing the washing
- having a shower
- having a walk to the shop
( just some of my pain meds )
I wish I could get up in a morning and get dressed without been in tears or having to take that much medication I don't know what's going on this has been very hard for me to tell you all but I needed to tell you all how much pain I am actually in I let people down I am constantly on strong meds and I am never going to be who I used to be and because of this I have lost so many friends.
my pain goes from a normal stomach ache to a stabbing stinging pain ripping through my body the pain can be that bad it makes me sick physically and the slightest movement or touch makes me cry I'm not sure how else I can tell you all about my pain
I hope this has helped
( suprapubic catheter )
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