struggling to keep going

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Hi everyone so it's been a while and very hectic so since my last post not much has been happening due to the COVID 19 virus hope your all staying safe

sadly I have been having really big issues with infections since January I have had 25 infections UTIs and kidney infections I have had 27 lots of antibiotics and hospital admissions and right no I am struggling so much to keep going infection after infection is so draining I am struggling to keep going and just to make it through the day is ridiculously hard but I am trying 

now with infections I seem to pass out get extremely weak cant to eat my body is really under so much pressure and when you have a infection after infection you just don't want to keep going its gets you so down what if this is me for the rest of my life I only have one kidney and all these infections are going to damage it which is just ho my right kidney failed due to all these infections since been 3 years old I have even bought sick bags to keep at the side of the bed just incase 





And a belter of a bruise 


sadly some hospital admissions 

so to try to keep busy and stop me thinking I have been making lots of gifts for people to try to brighten there day in this horrible situation we are in here is a few things including colored pictures and quotes and cards and envelopes  also wooden hearts with letters on and obviously some crochet 






I have been sending gifts to random friends no charge I have paid for all of it but if it helps someone smile that's all that counts 

my catheter changes at every 8 weeks sadly due to COVID I have been having them changed by the district nurse which I hate it makes my anxiety go crazy as I never know when they will turn up but it has to be done this way, for now, my last change we managed to film it to show people what we go through and this was an easy one but the pain rips through you and the pain lasts for days after it feels like you have had a baseball bat to the stomach here is a link to my change don't worry no blood is seen 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpianoZmFSw&t=1s


sadly there is still no sign of my urinary diversion which again is heartbreaking I just don't know how much longer I can keep going now

but this guy right here is helping me every day just to get through it I wouldn't be here without him 



I just wish I felt i could get through this I am such a mess right now please stay safe everyone and please feel free to share the more shares the more people know about fowers syndrome 

TIA
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